A piece of writing from
MOTHER TRINIDAD DE LA SANTA MADRE IGLESIA,
Title:
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN THE ETERNAL LIFE, I BURN IN MY LONGINGS FOR THE DEFINITIVE ENCOUNTER WITH THE BELOVED
And extolled by the faith of Abraham, “Father of all the believers,” replete with hope in the promises of God, and kindled in the cooling flames of the Holy Spirit, I intone again my song of:
I have faith… And “I believe in the eternal life.”
“O what so true a mystery is that of Eternity…! –I wrote on the 10th of November of 1961–. My whole soul, enlightened by faith, is bursting into happiness from so much having hope in Eternity.
I feel that my life is a reflection of that eternal day wherein, closing the eyes at the exile, I will find myself face to face, forever, contemplating the Being in His being bursting into Three… Forever…!
O eternal Day of Eternity, You are so deeply embedded in my soul, that You and only You are the sole center of attraction for me in this exile…! I savour You without calling You; I wait for You sure; I run searching for You, in love. I need You because You are my beginning, my end and my life; You are my share and my inheritance. Solely for You was I born, and I will not be able to be completely happy, or to rest either, until I am sated by the light of Your countenance…!
Death, to me, is not death, it is the door that will be opened to me unto that eternal day, tomorrow! wherein, lost in the infinite thicket of Your vast being, I will be engrossed in, carried away and possessed by the silent and simple simplicity of Your immutability.
O dear Eternity! is it possible that You be not a dream or a distant thing…? No! You are more mine than me myself and nearer to me than my own soul. Is it possible that tomorrow I be engulfed in You forever, contemplating You face to face, lying in the profound wisdom of the eternal Begetter, expressing in a blissful jubilation with the Word, burning in the divine, pacific, silent and overwhelming current of the love of the Holy Spirit…?”
“Should the Love call me,
I would answer to Him,
and in His bosom
I would go into His chamber…
And there He would tell me
His infinite Word,
and I would answer
all of me returning to Him…
O should I see the Love
in the light of His face…!
I would gaze at Him so much,
that into Him I would be transformed,
becoming a poem
that would sing His glory…
And, should I go into His love
and with Him burn
in the light of His fire
and in the union of His forges,
I should become a torrent
of transparent waters,
filling up, in my sources,
him who were to come close to me…
Should the Love come,
with Him I would go away!”
22-10-1971
“My hope has no limits…! It is as certain as death, closer than I am to myself, savoury like God Himself…!
My faith is a reflection of Heaven… Eternity has carried me away and I live possessed by its hope…!”
“For some time now a peaceful, silent and true hope, plunges me into Eternity; a hope that is actualized and vivified by a constant faith and so certain that it almost ceases to be faith.
I know that Eternity is as my faith presents it to me and my hope expects it, and I do not see it as something distant. I see that the life of man is like a breath on earth, ‘like flowers of the field we blossom. The wind sweeps over us and we are gone,’ and, therefore, that all this bliss so immense and true of Eternity, is tomorrow…!”
“When I dream that God is coming
in the pitiful night of exile,
my innermost being is moved,
and my spirit, dried out by my longing,
feels cooled by the breeze of the Eternal One.
When I dream that God is coming,
and I perceive the contact of His kiss,
and I rumour His footsteps,
and I savour His breath,
and I glimpse the fires
that burst out of His chest,
I break into tears, and, crossing the abysses
that keep us away from our encounter,
I dash hastily after Him, without stopping
at the dangers
which, in my course, I am facing.
When I dream that God is coming,
after the night of the exile,
I feel my innermost being rumbling
by the breeze of His flight.
When I dream that God is coming,
I always wake up in the Heavens,
in the heavens of my depth,
where He dwells pleased.
When I dream that God is coming,
my dream is fast over.”
29-1-1973
And my soul, wounded by love owing to the gleaming light of the eternal God, moans in nostalgia for its definitive encounter, and longs for it breathlessly, in torturing thirst, “as the deer longs for streams of water.”
“O infinitely holy Eternity, in which the soul tiny and thirsty for justice and truth will be sated face to face with the divine Pupils, in the contemplation of Your divine Face…!
O Eternity, Eternity…! You are the savourable desire of my exiled soul, the urgent need for all my being, strayed in this place of lie, of incomprehension, of pain and of trial…
You are, o dear Eternity! the need, to the point of satiety, of my soul in love and captivated by the beauty of Your face…
I knew You and You drove me mad with love, O City of God! where I shall be eternally inebriated in the divine banquet of my heavenly Bridegroom; where, in Your truth, my fruitfulness replete and lost in the divine Fruitfulness, will be with Your children and my children, being a perfect praise to Your divinity…
I found You, I knew You and I grasped that You alone are the only one capable of quenching this ardent thirst whereby I am consumed by love, justice, truth, fruitfulness and virginity…”
“Oh, what desires as though infinite to be sated in that Spring whence the water of Your divine wisdom flows…! to which I was led and I contemplated […]by the light of Your being…
And so divinely did I contemplate my God, that, in His same harmony, with my Word I sang, burning in the fire of my divine Love, that eternal Concert which, in His being Himself immutable, is Himself my eternal Sun…
And after I looked at You and saw You in Your light, I saw myself as though exiled, lost and finished, without the uncreated light that in Your being I contemplated… And I was left without seeing You in Your eternal gaze, without singing You in Your being, without loving You in Your love in the infinite light of Your eternal knowledge…
And although I know that I know You in the poor darkness of my poor knowledge, now I know that I sing You without knowing to sing You in Your being; now I know that I love You in the thick darkness of this dark understanding…
And when I look at You, uttering You and loving You without knowing how to know, I have found the bliss, in my poor exile, of living in Your being waiting for the day, wherein the infinite love of Your eternal Truth, deposits in my soul that immutable kiss that may give me to know face to face the infinite mystery of my eternal Deity.
One day I will go to see You, O dear Eternity, forever… forever… And there I will vanish forever! in the luminous light of Your eternal pupil…
O Love…! while that day comes in which I will be engrossed in Your being in the light of Your Eyes, while that day comes in which I will have myself You forever, unable to lose You, my posture will be: on the cross with my Christ sewn to the tree of my immolation; suffering this thirst for Eternity that is burning me; dwelling in exile and suffering the martyrdom of lovelessness toward God on the part of my brethren and my children; exercising my priesthood, nailed between Heaven and earth, in my bloodless mass of my total immolation. Yes, on the cross with my Word, in the Father’s bosom, put into the divine bosom, held by the arms of the infinite Fatherhood and kissed by the immutable kiss of the Holy Spirit…!”
“My soul adores in silence,
lovingly responding to its Loving One;
delivers itself as it can in its nostalgia,
clamouring to hear His Voice again.
The bride was slowly
wounded by the silent advance of the Love,
and wanders, sighing, with moans,
to see the light of the Eternal Glow.
Oppressed by melancholic experiences,
I wait in a tomorrow of hope,
with triumphs of conquests of the Beloved;
the cross shall be the way towards the Lord!
Prolonged waitings for a secret,
longings repressed with tremor
the loves of the Immense One asks of me,
in sweet desires of vision.
Nothing is so deep as to live dreaming
of the sacred touch of my God!
Longings loaded with nostalgias…
prolonged oppressive waits
sweet silenced melancholies,
shrouded and replete with pain…
A luminous day of hope,
sure in His conquest towards my Sun,
it is the Immense One who,
at His sweet passing,
dressed in His light and His splendour,
hurls me with power towards His encounter,
loaded with the mystery of His gift.”
4-12-1974
∗∗∗
I have faith… And my faith is sure, firm and unshakeable, not for what I feel or live, but because my Holy Mother Church has given it to me, infallible when She hands down the word that the Word entrusted to Her; and my hope is true because my Holy Church infused it into me together with my faith on the day of Baptism and She has been making it grow in my soul together with Her teachings and with the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit.
And because I am Church, and within this Holy Mother Her Echo, God, in His eternal plan, willed to show to me in His light His mysteries, so that I might sing and tell everyone the riches of the Church.
That is why very often He deigned, by an incomprehensible design of His, to take me into His bosom, which has left my soul fatally wounded with desires for the possession in full light of the eternal God.
On the 30th day of April of 1960, I wrote: “God brought me once more, almost like on the 18th of March of 1959, in a most profound and unimaginable manner into the unfathomable depth of the Mystery of His life; taking me into the depth of His transcendent, untouchable and unfathomable! Virginity, so that I might contemplate that Sancta Sanctorum of the adorable Trinity, veiled and concealed; wherein the Father, breaking into splendours of holiness, at the instant-instant without time of infinite and encompassing Eternity of God being Himself He who is Himself, burst begetting His Word, in a supreme begetting of infinite and loving Wisdom into the infinite and mutual embrace of the Holy Spirit.
[…] The veil of the Sancta Sanctorum where God is concealed was lifted for my sake!
And when the Infinite Being brought me into His bridal chamber, I grasped at once that infinite and inaccessible Mystery, that only God lives, and which one cannot enter without being carried by Him into the depth of His bridal inner chamber of infinite and eternal Holiness, covered by the veil of the Sancta Sanctorum of His transcendent Virginity.”
“And therein, […] I was brought! without being able to understand how I was able to enter; and even less how, after having come out, yet I have been able to go on living during so many years.
Although I indeed was able to glimpse something of why God put me into that Sancta Sanctorum so deep, of infinite transcendence.
Where He Himself impressed on me that one was not able to enter; something that I had to communicate. At the same time I had to manifest that this small, frightened and trembling daughter of the Church had entered by an infinite will of the Eternal Being, just to help the Church with all that, for me to communicate, He made me live, by bringing me into His Mystery.
Solely to help the Church! […] For that alone!!
And through this means so sublime and so inexplicable to me, give Himself glory through the last, despicable, unlearned, helpless and poorest daughter of the Holy Catholic, Apostolic Church and under the See of Peter.
Whom my poor trembling soul, had to manifest with the clumsy resounding of my voice, as just the Echo, tiny, frightened and stammering, of the People of God.
‘Silence…! Silence…! –I exclaimed astonished by what my soul was contemplating–.
Silence…! The virginal veil of inexpressible modesty which God is Himself has been lifted and taken off, so that His children, by an infinite mystery of eternal love which man will never be able to comprehend, may be able to surprise Him at that point, in which the divine bosom, bursting, as though into waterfalls and waterfalls of battalions and battalions of Virginity of being, into fruitful Virginity, breaks into Fatherhood…!
Silence…! Silence…! In perennial adoration and inexpressible surprise, all the Blessed are in an Oh! of eternal surprise, astonished! contemplating the Eternal Oriens coming forth from the virginal inner being of the fruitful Father, in an infinite Song of divine life…!
Silence…! At that mysterious and secret point of the being Himself of the Being, in the eternal embrace of the Holy Spirit and on the virginal wings of His co-eternal Virginity, the three divine Persons in trinitarian union of Divine Family are kissing Themselves and one another on their very Mouth, breaking into a happiness of inexpressible joy.
Heaven consists in an eternal surprise, in perennial adoration of amazing admiration, at the contemplation of the Eternal Being Himself, always being Himself and always been, in His eternal Virginity breaking into Three…
This is indeed a feast within the Bosom-Love…! In the very innermost being intimate of God!! in the great surprise of that point-point at which He stands in being Himself the Eternal Sun…!’
[…] And while I was contemplating and living all this in the joy of the Blessed, at one instant-instant of inexpressible mystery! I felt myself brought, in an amazing and incomprehensible manner, into the sacrosanct depth of the Arcanum of the Sancta Sanctorum of the Infinite Being; surprising the immutable and ineffable life of the adorable Trinity in the mysterious, veiled and concealed point, where in copious flows of infinite waterfalls of loving wisdom, the Father bursts into begetting His Word in the coeternal and infinite embrace of the Holy Spirit.
‘Oh…! Silence…! Silence…!
Silence…!! Respect…! Adoration…!
I am surprising the awe-inspiring awe-inspiringness of the being Himself of the Being, bursting into an infinitely silent breeze of very silent harmony, breaking into Three…!! into Three divine Persons of co-eternal and infinite subsistence! at that point-point! in which God is Himself… so that, getting into Him, I may surprise Him at the instant-instant of being Himself what He is, and of standing in being of Himself, and of how He is so, and why He is Himself so.
Silence…! Silence of adoration, in profound veneration…! For my sake the veil of the Infinite Virginity, is being lifted in order to bring me into the Sancta Sanctorum of the adorable Trinity…!!
And my soul, enthralled… carried away… and prostrate in reverent adoration, surprises and contemplates the instant-instant in which God is Himself…!
And, like the Blessed, prostrated, I adore that inexpressible Mystery of sovereign Majesty, where no one can enter if he is not invited and taken by the very hand of the sublime Being who, drawing the veil of His Virginity, brings us into the infinite banquet of His eternal happiness…
Silence…! Silence…! Silence…!
God is drawing for my sake the veil of His Sancta Sanctorum…!! And, in loving invitation, He is bringing me where He is, so that I may surprise Him at the veiled instant of inexpressible modesty, of eternal and transcendent Virginity, in which He is Himself…
Silence…! Silence…! Silence…!
O fruitfulness, fruitfulness of the innermost being intimate of the Eternal Sun…! You are Yourself, for being Yourself the Holy One, the Untouchable One, the eternal Virginity breaking into Fatherhood.
Silence…! Silence…!
In silence… put into the bosom-Love… into the Sancta Sanctorum of the Untouchable One… my soul, adhering to the Holy Spirit, kisses with the kiss of the divine mouth the very point of the begetting fruitfulness of the Father breaking into a Son of eternal virginity…
Silence…! The eternal Virginity is expressing Itself in a Son… Who is kissing Himself, in a mysterious Kiss of eternal silence, in the infinite Light of His inexhaustible being, breaking into a awe-inspiring awe-inspiringness of uncreated Light, in His being Himself the Being the Eternal Sun…!
Silence…! Silence…! Silence…!
Inexpressible gentleness…!
I am contemplating the Divinity breaking into Fatherhood begetting, enwrapped in the eternal pleats of His virginal being…!
Oh, what a silence in my soul…! there, where God…! living on and drinking of that eternal Virginity…! sating myself in His inexhaustible springs, and as though saturating myself with Divinity…!
O what a silence…! what a mystery…! what a secret…! what a depth…!
Silence…! How well one is in silence, perceiving the concert of the divine generation in the co-eternal embrace of the Holy Spirit!
O eternal generation of the Eternal Sun…!
O…! how well I see it…! How well I see it…!
He is proceeding…! coming forth…! the Eternal Oriens, in the very bosom of the Eternal Sun.
O…! The ever New One…! The Eternal God! the one who ever being the Eternal Sun, is ever new because of His ever being Himself the eternal Sprout of the Begetter…!
O what a great mystery…! Silence…! Silence…!
Silence of adoration! the Father is uttering His uncreated Word at that secret point of the generation of the Word…!
O how gentle God is in His being, breaking into Three…!
How clearly I see Him in His trinitarian activity… in His eternal generation… in His virginal fatherhood… in His demure begetting… in His being Himself, He Who Is Himself, the sovereign majesty of inexpressible joy in sonorous gentleness…!
Silence…! Silence…! Silence…!
Thank You, Lord…! Thank You, Lord…! Thank You, Lord…!
Today I, bewildered, trembling and frightened, when I understand what I have seen and heard, I answer adoringly in a silence of profound adoration and of reverent astonishment…
And, exceeding my limitation, trembling with love and respect, turning towards You, I clamour: Thank you, Lord, but I am not worthy…!’”
Mother Trinidad de la Santa Madre Iglesia
An extract from Booklet No. 17 – Collection: “Light in the night. The mystery of Faith given with loving wisdom.”
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